Bittersweet Time of the Year... Still, Blessings Abound!

The Gas Lighting technique is one familiar to victims of childhood abuse and often is a technique employed long into adulthood by an abuser and his/her supporters to influence the survivor in taking the blame/responsibility for the abuse and the long term fallout. Survivors of childhood trauma are often the victims or have been the victims of individuals with narcissistic personality disorder.  It takes time and counsel to overcome a deeply ingrained sense of being somehow "all wrong".  The survivor's sense of self and belief in their own perspective is often challenged (particularly in their family of origin if that is where the abuse occurred and denial continues in family members).   "They might harbor feelings of anger toward the person they sense is an aggressor but also find themselves thrown into positions of anxious defensiveness, which makes them feel unjustified and unsure of themselves. If their manipulator also happens to be skilled in the art of “impression management” — displaying superficial charm and enjoying the capacity to make favorable impressions on others — those on the receiving end of their tactics are likely to feel even crazier. They might say to themselves: “I’ve always thought there was something wrong with them but perhaps there really is something wrong with me. After all, everyone else seems to like them.” So, in a sense, almost all manipulative behavior produces a gaslighting effect to some degree." 

Here's a link to an interesting article about this technique:  Gas-lighting 

If You Want a Copy of One of My Books...

Some of you have asked how to get a copy of A STORY LIKE TRUTH, SOLVING LONELY and/or THE SEA IN WINTER.  All three books are available at http://www.lulu.com & Amazon.com
or upon request at your public library, Barnes & Nobel and local Twin Cities Independent bookstores as well as Chapter2 Bookstore in Hudson, Wisconsin.  CLADDAGH CAFE, SubText and ARTISTA BODDEGA (On W7th) also carry the books.  Contact me if you have any trouble getting your hands on a book you desire.

"Darling, I Care About This Suffering" Thich Nhat Hanh

Here's a wonderful website for guided meditations:

Tara Brach, Meditation, Emotional Healing


Today I found great comfort in her Awakening Compassion (Tonglen) Meditation

My Yoga Instructor Played this and made me cry and want to share it with all of you….

PAX SALON, Tuesday, December 3, 6:30 P.M., Saint Paul Gallery, 943 W 7th Street, St. Paul, 55102

A STORY LIKE TRUTH by Deborah McWatters Padgett

Join us for our PAX Salon, Tuesday, December 3, for a timely discussion of Deborah’s novel that tells a true story about the long-term effects of childhood trauma on those reaching toward a life of thriving.  With the recent fervor to bring perpetrators of child abuse to justice have we forgotten to provide the victims of abuse with a system of treatment and care that will assure they thrive? Lifelong effects are legion and overlooked while perpetrators are paraded before us as if all that needs to happen is to punish the criminals.  Untreated mental illness, suicide & substance abuse are rampant in society partially because of the prevalence of crimes against children. Deborah’s books can be purchased at SubText, Chapter2 Books, Claddagh, Saint Paul Public Libraries and Amazon.com.  Visit her blog on resources toward healing at www.padgettstudios.com.

Deborah, a resident of the West 7^th community of St. Paul is a frequent contributing columnist to THE COMMUNITY REPORTER, an avid reader, writer & painter as well as a survivor of childhood emotional, physical and sexual abuse in the context of family.  

November 23, 2013

A STORY LIKE TRUTH: Readers' Discussion Guide

“Owning Your Story

Writing autobiographical narratives can be therapeutic according to many trauma experts, writers and therapists. Still, “facing the truth” by simply telling the world your story cannot in and of itself heal the inner world of trauma.

We know that early trauma has permanent consequences—you don’t outgrow it, you don’t get over it, the broken parts of the psyche may not be capable of learning anything new. If A Story Like Truth has a lesson to teach, it may be that the rhetoric of victory often masks pain. Ultimately, the only way to affirm the teller’s story is to reach out and to care for it—as we would the little self that is the small child in all of us.”  Miriam Rothstein, Excerpt from review of Deborah Padgett’s A STORY LIKE TRUTH

[Author’s Note:  The author completed her story in 2001 and just prior to publication in 2012 she made editorial changes but did not add details regarding the life of Miriam beyond the point of finding refuge and solace and a forward motion in her living.

{Discussion notes for presentation: Brief discussion concerning “the years since…”   Why are “the years since” an issue? Or are they?}

1.  “Pain is real.  Suffering is optional.”   In a story like truth how does Miriam deal with her pain?

• ·                          As a child
• ·                     As a young adult
• ·                      Finally

2.  Readers have commented about Miriam’s internal dialogue, musing, imagining and intellectualizing.  Why do you think her character was presented this way? What does it say about Miriam’s psychological state and her relationship to others?

3.  What is your understanding of the long-term effects of childhood trauma? Are the effects the same regardless of the perpetrators being home/family or trusted other in clergy/school? What might be the differences?

4.  What resources are currently available to aid in healing victims of abuse?

5.  Do you think more attention should be brought to prosecution & accountability or is the current system satisfactory?  What benefits accrue to victims through prosecution/accountability of perpetrators?

6.  What do you think survivors of abuse are seeking in sharing their stories?

7.  What role does shame play, overall, in stories of childhood abuse? For perpetrators, public, family, the victim?

8.  Were you surprised by Miriam’s letter to her father?  If so, in what way?  If not, how did it make sense to you?

9.   Do you believe society carries more blatant outrage regarding sexual abuse or physical violence toward children?  If a child suffers from a combination of the two are the effects similarly damaging or intensified or something else entirely?

10.  How do the effects of abuse reveal themselves in the lives of the individuals who experienced the abuse?  What kind(s) of support would it be good to bring to bear and/or make apparent to such individuals?

11.  Do you consider yourself to be fully aware of the instances of childhood abuse and the circumstances appropriate as response to its occurrence?  Would you share some of your knowledge?

12.  If you suffered from sexual/physical/emotional abuse would you consider telling/sharing your story?  Why or why not?  As a survivor, thriving or otherwise, do you find help or comfort in the stories of other individuals with similar experience to yours?  Do their stories trigger pain and suffering in you?

13.  One reader added this point for discussion: “victims of abuse usually think it’s their own fault. This often leads to needy behavior later because they always feel that need to compensate for being “bad.”  What about the “Needy” construct?  Do you think that people share their stories, songs & pictures because they are “Needy”?  The desire to be seen and acknowledged as having value perhaps comes into play here.  Some believe freedom comes with a deep-down knowing we have value regardless of acknowledgement.  More often than not it is important to steer clear of people whose message is “you have little or no value.”  Sometimes it is difficult for a person who does not value him/herself to discern whether being dismissed or valued because their emotional filter needs adjustment. 

Consider your own thinking in regard to individuals you know who struggle with mental illness, depression or who have been victimized/traumatized by violence (sexual or otherwise).  Is there an assumption of “neediness?”  When they begin to share their story do you sometimes label them as “needy” as a way to move away from the painful experience of being near them?

Depression and Post Traumatic Stress Syndrome and even situational Bi-Polar Disorder are often diagnosed in individuals traumatized as children.  In LOSING CLEMENTINE, Ashley Ream’s character with Bi Polar disease says this: “The thing about being crazy is that you know you are even when you can’t do anything about it.  You know how you look to other people, and the shame of it is almost worse than the thing itself.” P. 248

What are your thoughts on the above quote as they relate to individuals recovering from childhood trauma?

www.padgettstudios.com

link from this site to blog about OUR STORIES NOW

A Couple of New Links (Resources) for all you Thrivers!

Meditation Site You Might Like

New inspirational book:  http://outwriteliving.com/new-book-wide-awake-every-day/

Uplifting and Healing Resources: New Contributions

From my summer sanctuary at Itasca State Park

I haven't added posts here for some time now but that doesn't mean I've forgotten the importance of community in my own growth or that of my fellow travelers.  My moment to moment and daily quest toward peace building through compassionate living grows richer by the hour.  I've added some links today to books and sites you may find helpful. Current involvements toward world-changing healthful living include:

• EMDR Therapy (related to PTSD triggers) Eye movement desensitization and reprocessing.  Google it if you are interested in learning what it's about.
• An 8 week class in MINDFULNESS BASED STRESS RELIEF (relying on the work of Jon Kabat-Zinn, PhD.)  For those of you interested classes are often covered by insurance under your mental health coverage if you have a diagnosis related to childhood trauma).
• Study and work related to NON-VIOLENT COMMUNICATION (I've posted a link here.  Scroll down.)
• Regular exposure to the work of Dr. Brene Brown, Pema Chodrun, Thicht Nhat Hanh & Dr. Martin Luther King Jr.
• Yoga and Water Exercise 
• Music, music and more music.... Dancing, singing & swaying.  Will occasionally post a play list or a selection from my daily hits.
• Attentive to Breathing
• Attentive to Laughter
• Attentive to Delight

Right now outside my window I hear the crisp sound of the dried and fallen leaves blowing across the sidewalk, falling from the trees and brushing away the traces of summer.  My heart is open.  I wish you comfort and healing.